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Dear Mama, I see you… I hear you… I understand your overwhelming feelings… Most of all, I understand that all you WANT TO DO is not feel guilty about the bond you don’t automatically feel right now or haven’t felt when you found out you were pregnant or when you first held your precious baby… In the next few pictures, you will see, I may have a smile on my face but with all my 4, I didn’t feel that instant bond. I didn’t feel a connection with the kids. While I held them physically, my heart and my mind were a million miles awayRead More →

Sticky
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In: Encouragement, Life Lessons, Mental Illness, Motherhood, Philippine Mission's trip, Thoughts
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The last 10 years has brought many things that dealt with change. Although at the time, change was met with the desire to run away, God blessed us with the trials. It was in the trials: The near loss of Bella at age 2, exactly 2 months after moving to Maine from a blood infection. Zac arriving healthy but sickly starting at 6 months that we spent most of the next year and a half with multiple specialists and trips to the hospital or ER.  Gabbi had a mishap with a friend’s dog that landed her in the special care unit for 8 days.  ARead More →

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In: Depression, Encouragement, Life Lessons, Motherhood, Thoughts
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Dearest Momma,

First of all, I want to tell you that you are doing an awesome job raising your little one/s! You are an awesome wife! You do a wonderful job managing your home, you keep everyone on track. You make sure everyone is fed, you make time for everyone even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. You give that meaningful hug and kiss! Even putting a Band-Aid on that boo boo is important and life-changing to your little love!Read More →

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“Ok, God, I know You can heal Bella

I know You can make her better

But if Your healing isn’t exactly the way I think it is and Your plan is different from ours

Then, I am OK with that

I thank You, for gifting us a wonderful 2 years with this little determined little girl

Do what You have to do to make her better,

Amen”Read More →

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In: Life Lessons, Motherhood
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I am an emotional train wreck, full of ups and downs, full of discontent when I lose myself in myself… Life as I make it, can be completely messy and hard… When I lose sight of God, this is what I see. When I just completely see all the things that I am working on, the things that I have not completely surrendered to God and try to fix on my own, all I see is failure! In my place of surrender, I see ALL the Beauty in the ashes that God made completely for me, just for me! That in the depths of my despair,Read More →

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This Mother’s Day—I want to pay tribute to my family! I am the wife and Mom that I am today because of them! Chris, my wonderful husband, has been so patient with me the last 11 years! He has had to put up with my weird antics and my mood changes (Frequent changes)! Not only do I consider this man to be an amazing husband, but he has been and still is,  such a wonderful best friend! I love him and even like him! I love spending time with him, even if it is just watching the news! He makes me laugh even though hisRead More →