Many of you all know about our struggle with Zac this past year with sickness and we have been to many specialists that have not provided with any explanation as to why he has been sick. BUT, thankful, that the doctors are looking! I believe he has become a pin cushion the past year. He also stopped growing for about year after he turned 6 months old. His appetite has been very good but it’s like he has hard time absorbing nutrients and has constant diarrhea. He has also had a hard time healing from cuts and bruises…the site gets infected easily. It seems his immune system is weak.
I wanted to write an update because many of you have been praying for him and have been asking about him. Zac has been doing very well since this summer. He hasn’t gotten very sick, just some fevers on and off but not high enough to send him to the hospital or anything like that. Chris and I believe that since we have decided to homeschool the girls, he hasn’t been as sick.
We praise God for always taking care of Zac and that he has everything all planned out for our sweet little boy who lights up our whole family with his funny antics and sweet disposition. BUT, I have to be honest, I haven’t always been so confident in the whole, “God has everything under control” outlook. I am a Mommy, who wants to fix everything, a Mommy who desires answers to my why questions.
This past Wednesday night at Bible Study, I was giving a praise report on how well he was doing. On Thursday, I took Zac in for a routine check-up and yes, a shot, the doctor weighed him and measured him and it showed that he lost weight again. She took him to another scale to see if he really did loose weight or not. He did loose weight and for some reason, the news just took me off guard. I was suddenly reminded about what I was thanking God for the night before in front of everyone at church. I felt so discouraged but yet, I wasn’t. Not sure how I can explain this. When we, as a family have rejoiced in God’s goodness, with Zac’s growth and weight gain, something bad happens the next few days, where he gets sick again. The devil really attacks to discourage us. This time, I notice the devil discouraging us more. This is where my faith is really tested. I have learned to say, “If I would start believing what I taught at Bible study, then I would be OK the next day, when the devil decides to ROCK my boat a little.”
That’s the life of a Christian, huh? There are times where we are soooo pumped and ready to just tell the WHOLE WORLD that Jesus saves! BUT then, there are those times where in our walk with God, we feel like God seems so distant because we don’t feel Him or hear Him speaking to us anymore, especially at those times where we need Him most. God sent His Son, Jesus, to show us His love by dying on the cross for us. When Jesus ascended into heaven, He says this:
“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
Just because we don’t see, feel or hear God, doesn’t mean He doesn’t exist or that He has gone away from us or that He doesn’t want to fix things. Sometimes, in these times, He sends people to show us what He wants us to do, sometimes; He is just waiting for us to release our worries to Him, to Be Still and Know that He IS God.
I have and still continue to learn how to release my worries to God about Zac and our girls. I have so much to be thankful for and I have to remind myself that God is at work constantly around us. That Zac’s healing will come the way God wants it to, not MY way BUT, HIS way, not MY time, HIS time. With Zac, we sometimes take 2 steps forward and 1 step backward. God, however, doesn’t ever see the step backward. Each day, each dot on the growth chart means so much to all of us because it simply shows God’s hand in Zac’s little life…All God sees are the STEPS FORWARD.
SO, I am trying to see that…I am learning to see the STEPS FORWARD. Please keep the Buddy in your prayers, keep the doctors in your prayers that God will continue to give them wisdom.
