Not Suffering!

When Chris and I embarked on our life  together of ministry, I did not realize how many challenges we would have. We have had to fight lack of trust and faith, we have had to deal with loneliness, fear, and even doubt. BUT all challenges have resulted in growth, happiness, and more importantly increased our faith! Chris and I are happy because we are doing what God has called us to do, but sometimes I really just have a hard time….who can say that anyone out there that God has called to do something never has a hard time grasping God’s call on their life?

There are days where I wonder, my ultimate purpose in life! Why couldn’t Chris and I be doing something else? Is pastoring in the mission field really what God has for us to do for the rest of our lives? Why do we have so much worry? Why? Just simply, why? Although we are learning constantly what it means to have faith, why do I worry about how things are? For example-we worry about our finances–we have school loans, hospital bills, a mortgage to pay and we have two little girls that need certain things like diapers and wipes that are outrageously expensive, not to mention other things we worry about! When there is worry in my life, I ultimately feel like my world is just falling apart and that I am suffering! 

 The reason why I am writing this is because when I think that I have suffered, I have not even come close to the word SUFFER!  I may think so on my bad days but I  am not suffering! My family is not suffering! I think of different people and their suffering, which they even consider to be a good thing because it is building their faith and others:

– Our  brothers and sisters in Korea cannot freely fellowship together in the open. They,  once in a while take a boat out into the ocean so that they can partake of communion and pray. On this boat, they are able to freely lift up their voices as loud as they can and sing praises to our God—they can even lift up their hands! While on land, they risk their lives and some even die for the cause of Christ—my brothers and sisters in Korea suffer daily!

-Maryam and Marzieh-two young ladies in Iran, imprisoned for 14 months just because they profess to be Christians. The Islamic judge and court wanted them to deny Christ so they could be set free but they never denied their faith in Christ. They became sick while in prison and who knows how badly they were treated during the time of questioning by the prison officials. YET, they stood their ground, never lost faith in Christ! They have suffered!

-Dan Bauman, a YWAM worker who felt called to visit Iran was sent to the Evin Prison in Iran where the worst criminals are kept. He had no idea why he was imprisoned until an official accused him of being a spy. Dan Bauman was beaten severely almost daily by the officials at the jail, but he kept faith! He suffered much but through his suffering guards in the prison turned from Islam and gave their hearts to the Lord! 

-Justin and Donna Knowles- a young couple with a young boy who have given their lives to serving God in Cambodia. They could be here in the US living the good life pursuing a career but yet, they would rather give that up so that others would get to know Christ in Cambodia!

-I think of families that live in Dumpster Villages in Asia where they think they have found so much when they find food–but they live in a mountain of trash! They are suffering but the feel that they have plenty!

So, again, when I think that I am suffering in the situation I am in, I’m really NOT! My God has been so good to my family-He has never left us without-HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR US!  When it feels  like we aren’t going to make it, we always do, because God is our Jehovah Jireh, our Provider! God’s plan for me is not to harm me, but a plan to give me a hope and a future(Jeremiah 29:11). I cannot be worried with the things of this world, because if I do, I only end up thinking that I am suffering! Faith for me right now seems so easy compared to my brothers and sisters who get thrown into jail, spit at, beaten or die because they open their mouths and say, “Jesus loves you!” or open up the Bible and read it! They suffer daily and they do it willingly because of Jesus’ sacrifice for us. 

 So what if Chris and I don’t make millions of dollars in our ministry? So what if my kids wear hand me downs? So what if Chris and I don’t drive the newest car on the market? So what?? I can’t even believe that I spend so much time and energy on thinking of the things that I think I need or want! If I have to go through life and not have the most popular anything that everyone has, does not mean that I am not complete!  All I am suffering from is self-pity and not being thankful for all the things that God has and continues to bless me with, especially the FREEDOM to serve Him and tell others about HIM. As Christians, we all go through hard times but it is not supposed to be a time of “Why me? or Woe is me” but a time of learning and growth! I am definitely NOT SUFFERING!

 ^“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matt. 6:33

 ^“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

^“ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13