I have seen God’s faithfulness in my life…I have beheld His glory…I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord…
I have seen His Sovereign hand take a situation that in my mind’s eye would make me wonder if He was real or not…
I have seen Him heal when the doctors didn’t have answers and would just shrug their shoulders…
I have seen, I have heard and I have experienced all of who God is…
The past couple of months have been good for our family. We listened and obeyed God’s call to move to VA to enter into another chapter of ministry for our family. Our kids have finally settled into a wonderful school that we have earnestly prayed for. We have a cute little house that we rent very close to where Chris works. God is blessing our time here as we continue to obey His call!
I am approaching the end of my first semester in my MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. It has been the most challenging and thought-provoking program I have ever experienced. My program started in the middle of the week we moved. It was hard to adjust with moving and being enrolled in four classes on top of all the other changes.
Frankly, the past couple of months have sucked! That’s the only word I could think of, at the moment.
I have experienced some of the darkest times recently. I have been good at identifying how I am feeling and have told a couple of people other than my husband. But, it’s been rough. I want to be happy, I want to be ok with everything, but I have been struggling.
Struggling is hard, but, admitting to it, is even harder.
I continue to learn that it is really OK to ask for help! I have had to talk to all my professors and humbly ask them, with embarrassment looming over my head, that I need more time to get things done even though I have 1 week left of this semester. They have shown me grace in areas I have really needed most.
I’ve gotten pretty good at putting a game face on. I have seen how this has all taken a toll on my body physically because I have been sick a lot with feeling melancholy. Some days are definitely harder than most, but I am OK with feeling, sharing about how I feel and asking for help.
Being OK, is enough!
I don’t want anyone to think that just because we struggle, doesn’t mean that we have lost faith or that we have fallen off our rocker and gone completely crazy.
The reality is, when a person struggles with depression, it can be debilitating. It can affect your health and your daily function as a person. So many days, I have wanted to just stay in the bed and not be around people. I can’t do that, I have a husband and 4 children and a job to be available for. Each day, I choose to get up and get going. I do know my limits and I am thankful for a husband who helps me talk things out. One thing that has been so helpful, is my time with the Lord. I have intentionally been seeking the Lord more, praying and reading. Sometimes, I feel like He has given me the silent treatment and I ask why this is happening? I know in my heart, He isn’t giving me the silent treatment. He is walking with me every step of the way through this. I keep standing on this promise: Even in my valley of the shadow of death, “His goodness and mercy will continue to follow me ALL the days of my life and I will continue to dwell in the house of the Lord forever!” Psalm 23:6 (My paraphrase to make a point!)
Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do I feel this way and why do I have to go through this? These are questions I ask often. Suffering is never fun and when you are in it you don’t ever want to admit you are. Hardship, suffering, trials or whatever verb you want to use, produces some lasting life impressions that God leaves on our lives. He uses those things that were meant to really kill us or hurt us and use it for His glory and His name!
This is why I can say, even though I am going through this and even if I have gone through it before, He is still good! He will ALWAYS be good and His love never changes for me! I rest in the fact that my story is His story, to show His goodness, to show His promises are true that He will never leave me, to show His everlasting love but most of all, to show the Hope that I find in Him!
If you are going through a dark time, please know that God is with you! He’s got this! When you don’t think He hears you, He does. When you don’t think He knows what’s in your heart, He does. You don’t have to go through this alone. Find someone you can talk to. You can also reply back in the comments as well and I will respond.
