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Sometime in April of 2018, I was asked to write an article about my experience with clinical depression. I remember for the longest time I did not share my story with others because I was so ashamed of myself and my experience. There was this urge to write and start the conversations of mental illness and my personal story. The struggle with depression became a part of a beautiful story of God’s refining fire, His pruning, His taking whatever was broken in me and to share how He has turned my life around by healing and restoring me. Ultimately, the clinical depression became a partRead More →

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I recently finished 3 years of grad school pursuing my MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling-my final papers were due at exactly 11:59pm on December 10, 2021. It was a journey because for years, I had struggled with clinical depression. But due to years of struggling AND seeing others struggle with mental illness, especially seeing my brothers and sisters in the ministry struggle, even hearing the news of some taking their own lives because of depression, put fire in me to be able to finish, so that, eventually, I can help them too? Not just relate to their experiences but also help them! In myRead More →

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You may be familiar with the saying that grief isn’t linear or that recovery isn’t linear… In my studies, I have discovered as so many other counselors or anyone who does anything with their “helping” ministry, there is no “one-size fits all” method to any type of treatment to someone who is recovering or grieving. Someone’s outburst of tears can be a type of healing for them while for others, it’s an outward expression of the pain they are in or both! Someone’s way of coping with their mental illness may not work for Jane or John Smith who also struggles with the same thing.Read More →

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A long time ago, a story of the Kintsugi art of repairing broken ceramics with lacquer and gold or silver or platinum powder “related to the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi which states the importance of embracing imperfection in our lives and reminds us that something can break and yet still be beautiful, and that, once repaired, it is stronger at the broken places.”Read More →

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Dear Mama, I see you… I hear you… I understand your overwhelming feelings… Most of all, I understand that all you WANT TO DO is not feel guilty about the bond you don’t automatically feel right now or haven’t felt when you found out you were pregnant or when you first held your precious baby… In the next few pictures, you will see, I may have a smile on my face but with all my 4, I didn’t feel that instant bond. I didn’t feel a connection with the kids. While I held them physically, my heart and my mind were a million miles awayRead More →

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Racism-something I don’t fully understand why it still exists, but here is something I want to tell you:  So many classify racism as black and white. It isn’t. It is any color or race that one considers to be INFERIOR to whatever color or race you are-usually, as I have stated, it is white vs. black. Sometimes, the biases formed in our minds of someone’s race is because of ignorance. Sometimes, we know better but CHOOSE to continue on with our racist thinking because of this and that…we classify a color or groups of people to be lower than us because we THINK WE ARERead More →

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I was struggling. I cried myself to bed every night almost the whole month of November and I warned Chris that I was not doing well. “Something is wrong, I am sick.” He knows exactly what I mean when I say that. I was trying to figure out what was going on, but I had felt that for the first time in a long time, I was out of control. I would send late texts to two friends who knew my struggle with depression, but I wouldn’t come right out and tell them I was struggling. I would just text that I missed them. ThisRead More →

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It has been said that fear is crippling. Fear says a lot of things and when you hear fear enough, you start believing it more than you believe truth. Fear is learned for the most part unless it is part of the fight or flight response. For example, I try not to tell the kids I am afraid of something unless I have tried it. Like riding roller coasters-I don’t like to ride and I am afraid of them because I have tried them. Fear keeps you from doing anything you set your mind to, especially the thing that God wants you to do. IRead More →

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The last 10 years has brought many things that dealt with change. Although at the time, change was met with the desire to run away, God blessed us with the trials. It was in the trials: The near loss of Bella at age 2, exactly 2 months after moving to Maine from a blood infection. Zac arriving healthy but sickly starting at 6 months that we spent most of the next year and a half with multiple specialists and trips to the hospital or ER.  Gabbi had a mishap with a friend’s dog that landed her in the special care unit for 8 days.  ARead More →