In 2014, I shared with the whole world what I was facing!
I remember the day so vividly because I feel as though I had hurt some family and friends in the process by not telling them about the REAL me, my REAL struggle with depression. I knew God was asking me to share about it. I fought and pleaded to the Lord but He won, of course, and I could not shake the calling to share and so I did.
I know that the postpartum depression started shortly after Bella was born and carried through past Gabbi and even Zac. I look back on those years before I shared, not knowing and understanding what I was going through, I see why I was so negative about everything.
I would go through days where I just wasn’t feeling right, I was an angry, bitter and unhappy person–I didn’t feel joy. I was always screaming on the inside! Because I was ashamed of how I was feeling, I didn’t ask for help nor did I tell anyone about it! I even yelled at Chris for suggesting I needed help! It was hard because on the really hard days, I would have to literally put a smile on and pretend I was OK when I wasn’t. It wasn’t till after Zac was born that Chris pointed out that I may need professional help.
Tired of how I felt inside and tired of the way I acted, I knew I needed help.
Where am I today?
I am better!
I have some bad days–I know the triggers better now and deal with it through praying but mostly REALLY SINGING MY HEART OUT! Praising God brings so much healing! Before Oliver was born in December, I went through a really dark time in September. I feel as though the devil was trying to discourage me from seeing the good happening around me. At the time, our church was about to merge with another church. That’s when I knew I needed to see the counselor again and I have also seen a psychiatrist.
To this day, I continue my visits with them every few weeks to just follow up.
I have made up my mind that I am not going to be silent anymore.
I want to share about how you can still be used in your suffering!
I want to talk about this thing, called depression. I want to let people know that it is OK to talk about it. I feel like it’s still taboo to talk about depression or any forms of mental illness…I know many are still ashamed to share or ask for help like I was. I want to talk about how sometimes ministry can be so hard that you can be on the brink of burnout and also fall into depression. I want to talk about how it affects pastors, pastors wives and other leaders in the church–they/we aren’t above any mental illness just because we serve God in a leadership capacity.
We aren’t less of a Christian either!
We are all human and we do get sick. I want you to know we can all overcome this, there is healing! God can and will use even something like depression and make into something beautiful. He can use this to show us how Sovereign He is and how He doesn’t change nor does His promises to give us a hope and a future. He CONTINUES to write our testimony in the midst of our struggles!
#PRAISEISAWEAPON
Be encouraged today!
You are going to survive!
“But the LORD said to him, “Peace be to you. Do not fear; you shall not die.”
Judges 6:23
