I have always been a little sentimental when it comes to cards, notes, artwork by the kids. I think I have all the cards that Chris has given me over the last 13 years of marriage tucked away somewhere. We have moved several times but I have some tucked in my dresser drawer. I also have kept little notes from the girls or some of their artwork tucked away also. I am a collector of these items. I love reading over them!
I have to honestly say that the last few months, I have struggled very badly with bouts of depression. I thought for sure I was going nuts and I needed to be checked in somewhere. As I was preparing to launch this blog, I felt as though I was going deeper and deeper into the abyss of despair. Part of what was going on was that I knew I had to do this, to open up my mouth and use the keyboard of my laptop to tell you my story and I was afraid…I let fear get the best of me and my fear automatically made me think of the worst times, back to my
my desert place.
During this time, I realized that I needed a few things to make my struggle a little bit easier in some way. I realized how badly I wanted to be affirmed. I have never really thought of myself as a person who had low self-esteem but a person who was content with who I was. BUT, in the last couple of months, I have been needing this. I have read the book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman(Highly recommend) and even read the kids version of it when we started having kids. I always had a hard time figuring out what love language spoke to me the most:
Giving
Acts of service
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Right now, my love language is definitely Words of Affirmation. I just wanted to hear encouraging things because let’s face it, if any of you have struggled with any kind of mental illness, you feel like you have failed somewhere in life and you feel like you are weak. You feel like people won’t like you because you are going through this.
Mental illness or not, everyone has this innate desire to feel needed, wanted, to be loved. These come in different ways for people. Everyone struggles and we ALL have stories to tell. BUT, I have felt that people who have never gone through depression, don’t truly understand. Some people will just shrug it off and say, “Just get over it!” or insensitively say, “You just need to pray more!” Some people even will go as far as,“You are a Christian, you shouldn’t go through this! You don’t trust God enough!”
All this time, I have just wanted to hear:
“I will be here for you.”
“I love you.”
“You are going to be ok.”
“You aren’t weak!”
“You aren’t crazy.”
“I am proud of you for telling your story.”
“You are brave.”
Sometimes, I don’t want to hear anything at all but welcome a HUG and a listening ear!
So, to the one out there who is struggling…
I care about you, I love you!
You are not weak because you are going through this and you are not crazy. Sometimes, we go through these dark times and you don’t know why. I don’t know why…but there are people around you that care about you and love you!
You and your life matter!
You are amazing and you are stronger than you think you are.
You are braver than you think you are.
You are an awesome Mom!
You are an awesome Dad!
You are awesome at your job and your specialty!
You are amazing!
Most of all, there is One who cares for you and loves you more than anything in this world. He is our Heavenly Father, Your Creator! He hears you and He sees you. He isn’t picking on you and He isn’t purposing this in your life to make you miserable. He has a plan for you, all His plans are good and not anything to harm you. Even when you feel His presence as something so distant, He is right where you are today! Go to Him, trust in Him. He will help you!
Thank you for this. I have three children and have suffered with PPD with the second two. I don’t know how I came across this, but I think it just helped me realize I am NOT alone. I am NOT crazy. Thank you.
Leanne-Not crazy at all! Hope you are doing well!